The McStaggers Report: Note to my Fellow Washingtonians

There is a grand effort afoot to modernize Washington's prohibition-era liquor laws! Initiative 1100 is its name, and common-sense modernization of outdated blue laws is its game!

http://modernizewa.com/

...and be sure to read the FAQ. It answers many of the questions posed by well-meaning but misguided teetotalers.

Review: New Amsterdam Gin

…or, How to Demolish a Few Preconceived Notions…

Pine Sol…Mr. Clean…rubbing alcohol…

These are the first things that come to mind to many that dislike gin. I find it a shame, really. Gin is one of the most misunderstood of the major liquor types…perhaps even more than tequila. The poor quality swill that most experience is often maligned for its crisp conifer nose and shark-like bite. Whether it’s in a Long Island Iced Tea or a Gin and Tonic, the fierce vapors of “well” brands like Monarch scare too many people away from what I believe to be one the of the most complex and rewarding liquors one can enjoy.

With that in mind, I plucked out a bottle from my cabinet of joyous fluids that will surprise even the greatest detractors of “Dutch Courage”, New Amsterdam Gin.

New Amsterdam is a relative newcomer to the gin scene. I’ve seen it alongside old standbys Bombay Sapphire and Plymouth for only a few years, but its availability has become widespread. Less expensive than most high-quality (i.e. NOT MONARCH) gins, I purchased my 1.75L bottle at Portland’s Jantzen Beach liquor store for a VERY reasonable price...but more on that later.

Since gin’s primary uses include combinations with tonic water and vermouth, I decided to present as wide a review as possible, by sampling this offering not only on its own merits, but also in a classic Gin and Tonic formulation as well as my own Martini recipe.So, juniper detractors, let’s find out if all cheap gin is toxic…

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New Amsterdam Gin – “No. 485”

London-Style Dry Gin

Distilled by : New Amsterdam Spirits Company, a division of E. & J. Gallo Winery - Modesto, California

Tasted at home on Monday, May 17, 2010

1.5oz. Shot of New Amsterdam Gin

Color: Crystal clear with no haze or sediment.

Nose: Very light pine, balanced with a little lemon zest and hints of lavender. Not terribly complex.

Flavor: Subdued. Juniper flavors are present but are on nearly equal footing with licorice and citrus peel notes. Lingers a while. Little alcohol burn.

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So far, this gin has a very unassuming character. It carries enough botanical complexity to remind you that yes, this is a gin, but it’s almost too polite in the way it presents itself. It’s certainly not bad, but I’m used to something a touch more intricate.

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Gin and Tonic

2oz. New Amsterdam Gin – “No. 485”

Schweppes Tonic (wishing I had QTonic!)

1/6 Lime Wedge, Twisted for juice and peel oils.

Color: Still clear – no haze.

Nose: Added citrus of the lime lifts the juniper up the nose. Wafts of sweet rose.

Flavor: Still balanced, but the refreshing sweetness of heftier juniper/citrus notes are countered by a more prominent licorice flavor. Suprising. Would like to try this again with a proper tonic water. Does the job as a summer chiller.

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I was surprised by the pronounced licorice flavors. It adds an unexpected richness to the experience. This far in, I would like to have a touch more lemon zest and perhaps a Grains of Paradise touch of pepper to tip the scales back a bit.

Helpful hint! For a wholly different experience, add a splash of PAMA pomegranate liqueur to a gin and tonic. You’ll be rewarded with aromas and flavors of sweet, tart apple.

Very refreshing on a hot day!

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Martini

Free-Poured 3-1 Gin/Vermouth Ratio using Noilly Prat Dry Vermouth

Stirred in Ice

2 Manzanilla Olives

Color: Crystal-clear with a lovely jade vermouth hue. A pale emerald.

Nose: Sweet, fresh, and crisp. Hints of honeydew. Like a melon in a spring pine forest.

Flavor: Rich and velvety smooth with lighter than normal notes of juniper and citrus. Herbal characteristics of Noilly Prat come to the fore. No licorice, but the nose of melon is confirmed by a crisp sweetness that slides down the back of the palette. Noilly Prat may be too big for this gin, but it still makes a very serviceable Martini.

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FINAL VERDICT:

Overall, this is a gin that goes out of its way to be inoffensive. It’s not complex, but offers bits of classic London Dry character…like a preview of things to come. I really do like this gin and I’d recommend this to a beginning gin drinker or to one that isn’t a fan, but is willing to give gin an honest try. More experienced palettes may be left wanting for more.

…and here’s perhaps the best news: as of 18 May, 2010, a fifth of this perfectly fine gin will only run you about $15 (Washington State)! For the price of a substandard product, like Beefeater’s or Seagram’s, you be able to enjoy a taste of what a well-crafted gin is like. There are better gins out there, but for an every day “workin’ gin” New Amsterdam’s price and ease of drinking simply can’t be beat.

Salut!

I didn't forget, I Swear!

...or How a Hangover Buggers a Scheduled Review...

I know, I know...it's bad form to start a blog, promise a review, and then wait a whole week to post said review. Worry not! I WILL have a new review up tomorrow and yes, it will be a gin!

...and the gin I plan to review is in THIS Martini that I enjoyed last Friday.

Review: BAKON Vodka

…or, How I Got Porked by a Dream…

Bacon. It’s everywhere! Finally, the breakfast champion has had time to shine in the cultural spotlight! Its marbled brown and white texture has adorned everything from band-aids to belts. Its savory glory has been accentuated by sugar and chocolate. Its been made into salt, mixed into ice cream, sprinkled onto maple bars, and blended with mayonnaise. Everyone has had a chance to bask in the glory of king of meats!

So…when I heard that commercially-produced bacon vodka was available, I went hunting. This is something I had to experience, and hopefully share. After all…a bacon Bloody Mary? What could go wrong?

BAKON Vodka…I must find thee.

I found BAKON at a liquor store in Portland’s Jantzen Beach. The rather limited availability (currently only available in Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Iowa, and New York) gave me some cause for concern as to whether or not I could find it, but there it was, a stylish trapezoidal bottle with a bacony circle screen printed on its front. Parting with my $30, I scampered back across the river to enjoy this new treasure.

I decided to sample this three ways. First, neat. I tend to be skeptical of flavored vodkas, but they should be able to stand up on their own, allowing all of the parts of the intended flavor to blend with a quality spirit. Even Absolut usually gets this right. Second, combined with a little mixer…in this case, some V8. Finally, I wanted to use it in a fully mixed drink. Since I had the V8 out, I might was well go “whole hog” and make a real Bloody Mary out of it. Ah, but this occasion merited something special, something that befits the majesty of bacon…bacon swizzle sticks! Oh, yes, I was going to truly ham it up.

So , with bottle in hand, I dove into the world of BAKON:


BAKON – Bacon-Infused Vodka
Bacon-Flavored Potato Vodka Utilizing Column Distillation
Distilled by : Black Rock Spirits - Seattle, Washington
Tasted at home on Saturday, May 9, 2010

1.5oz. Shot of BAKON
Color: Sickly tan…like a sunny day in Los Angeles. No noticeable haze or particulate, so perhaps slightly better than Los Angles.

Nose: N’gah! A nose-flogging combination of artificial smoke and candied ham. I actually flinched when I gave it a sniff. Uh-oh…there’s the twinge of a little alcohol fire too…

Flavor: A bizarre liquid smoke flavor coats the back of the tongue and sits there like a bloated toad, then an assault of stale-sweetness. Not one bit of honest bacon flavor to be found. The smoke toad inflates on the palette like a nemesis throughout the “experience” of choking down a shot. This is not helped by a light, but clearly noticeable burn of alcohol phenols.


Definitely not a good start. Crude and unrefined…artificial…


1.5oz. Shot of BAKON with 6oz. V8 Juice
Color: It’s V8 with vodka in it…so…red.

Nose: A little savory tomato, classic V8 odor, but there’s something else. A seeping burnt aroma. Touch of cloying sweetness. Unappealing.

Flavor: The usually full flavor of V8 juice seems stunned by the presence of BAKON. As with the shot, the semi-sweet flavor of the BAKON leaks into the experience and builds. Is that a hint of…melon, in there?


Ok, I’m not only disappointed, but a little ticked off. Their website would leave me to believe that this would be a savory masterpiece. They even mention that they took TWO YEARS developing this spirit!

Hm...well…time for the holy redeemer…Bloody Mary time.

Brent’s “Full-Boar Bloody Mary”
(2.5oz. BAKON Vodka, V8, 2 dashes Haz-Mat sauce, 3 dashes Worcestershire sauce, fresh ground black pepper, dashes of Old Bay seasoning, ground coriander and mustard, stirred with a bacon swizzle-stick)

Color: An opaque Bloody Mary…red with ice and bits of pepper.

Nose: Tomato-y and peppery, but there’s that damned faux smoke waft again!

Flavor: The BAKON plays a little bit nicer with a complex Bloody Mary, but not by much. The vodka burn is finally covered. The spices and heat showed up as expected, but the stomach-turning smoke toad hops through the spicy gauntlet and lands right back on the tongue. After that…it’s over. Nothing gets through. Even the use of a REAL bacon swizzle-stick does little to add true porcine flavor to this mess. Honestly, I’d rather have a few shots of gin in a Bloody Mary than this revolting vodka.


FINAL VERDICT:
BAKON vodka’s website mentions that they tried to capture the “essence of a delicious crisp slice of peppered-bacon”. I’m sorry, Black Rock Spirits, but you failed. You failed miserably at your task. If this represents two years of painstaking work…from developing a quality premium vodka, to the flavor combination and infusing process…then perhaps you should rethink your purpose, because crafting a high-quality flavored vodka is clearly not your forte. This loathsome offering couldn’t even mix into a proper Bloody Mary… and THAT IS YOUR FLAGSHIP cocktail!


Some may enjoy this…but then again, some have the intellect of a styrofoam packing peanut. There is NO bacon here. Not even a hint to recommend that there was strip of marbled-meat joy anywhere near the distillery. If they did indeed use bacon in a classic infusion, it had to have come from a pig from a mirror universe, where bacon tastes like cat vomit. The base vodka is sharp and unsophisticated; it needs a lot more time in clarification and filtering. The flavor is, in a word, offensive. It even looks sick. This is not a vodka for drinking. It’s not a vodka for cooking. The contents of the bottle are not suitable for cleaning or combustion. This is a vodka only suitable for laying down and avoiding. It’s a filthy, pretentious mess and I feel the worse for having ingested it.

Thank goodness I have some left over swizzle sticks to gnaw on. I nearly lost my bacony faith…

Oh, and should you ever need a tasty treat to augment YOUR Bloody Mary, try a bacon swizzle stick and don’t bring home the BAKON.


Bacon Swizzle-Stick
…as developed by Aaron Louie and Brent Diskin

1 Slice of quality bacon
2 Bamboo skewers
(Makes Two Skewers Per Bacon Slice)

• Cut the bacon strip lengthwise, creating two thin, bacony strips.
• Skewer the end of one of the strips with a skewer and push up until the speared strip is about 1/2 to 1/3 up the skewer.
• Wrap the bacon strip around the skewer, fairly tightly. As you wrap, you may need to push the strip up or down the skewer. Your goal is to get a nice porcine auger covering the bottom section of the skewer.
• Once wrapped, use the last exposed tip of the skewer to affix the end of the bacon strip - holding it in place.
• Twist carefully to create a tight spiral of bacon around the skewer, taking care not to over-twist and tear the meat.
• Repeat with second skewer.

(If you want more than two strips, repeat the above as many times as nessesary)

• Pan-fry or oven-broil as you would with regular bacon…keeping an eye out for over-criping and burning.
• Turn sticks regularly for even cooking.
• Once cooked, lay on a towel to drip excess fat.
• Make a tasty Bloody Mary...place skewer in finished drink.
• Spear the "salad" (pickled goods) on the exposed top (the “un-baconed section) of the skewer.
• Stir, sip, nibble, and enjoy!

Review: Modelo Especial Draft

...or, how carefully-laid plans get Cinco'd...

I know, I know…I was supposed to deliver a few thoughts on the oddball “BAKON” vodka. I had planned out a whole process on my first liquor review…had some thoughts on mixing…I even was going to offer an example of one of my non-famous Bloody Mary recipes.

Then, the spirit of the Battle of Puebla took over.

I decided to be part of the spirit of Mexico’s defeat of a superior French force by having a little nosh at a local Vancouver cantina, Los Potrillos. There, I found a bit of a rarity: a draft Mexican beer that wasn’t Dos Equis Amber or Corona! Always a sucker for the rare find, I decided to give this newcomer a go.

…only to find out, it was the ubiquitous “Bud” of Mexico, Modelo Especial. Oh…what the hell. Why not?

Fourty-four ounces later, I was reminded “why not”.

That I was hoping that having a Mexican beer on draft would be a significantly better experience than swilling from a longneck was folly. Have you ever had a Tecate, Corona, or Dos Equis? Exactly the same. Modelo Especial is just like every other Mexican offering outside of Negra Modelo. It’s hollow, daft, and good only for quelling the heat of jalapenos.

…but since I was in a standard, cookie-cutter Mexican joint, there was nary a Scoville to be found.

I had to brush that aside, though. After all, it’s Cinco de Mayo and I have a massive stein of beer! Yea! I’m in a party mood!

Yea…Yuh….sure, I’ll have another…Ugh…

I should have known. Having it “fresh” from the keg did absolutely nothing to change my rather ignoble opinion of Mexican beer offerings that are not Negra Modleo.

What disappoints me the most about this lager is that the puckering, tongue-coating film that builds as you drink completely demolishes the flavor palette. Seriously. After two hours, that film is STILL all I can taste…even after brushing by teeth.

So, I’ll have to wait a little bit before I can bring home the BAKON…

Until then, I offer my thoughts on this, a GLORIOUSLY TYPICAL representative of the Mexican lager arts.

May you have a happier Cinco than my taste buds!


Modelo Especial (Draft)
Brewed by : Grupo Modelo S.A. de C.V.,- Mexico City, Mexico

Color: VERY pale straw …almost no color.

Nose: Nearly none…a green, grassy whiff…almost.

Flavor: Extremely light, but smooth malt sweetness. Decent body, typical of Mexican lagers. Hint of hops on the front end with a sour tinge at the back of the palette. Sourness builds the more you drink.

Verdict: Not quite as clean as other Mexican lagers like Dos Equis, but still a decent example of the l Mexican version of an Adjunct Lager. Having it on draft does nothing to freshen up the flat flavor and hollow nose. The tangy back end builds up very quickly and is the only lasting…and lasting…and lasting impression.

Leave the Martini Alone!

...or "A Meandering, Aimless Rant in Defense of My Favorite Drink"...

I can’t think of a better way to properly launch my booze blog than to discuss a subject very dear to me, the martini. It’s an austere, proper drink. It is cold, clear, and unpretentious. The martini doesn’t need fruit flavoring, creams, or fancy décor. It’s a simple creature, made of so few parts; a minimalism that flummoxes many.

Its history is a cloudy one. There is no wide-spread consensus as to its origins. Some believe it began a protozoan life as the “Martinez” of the 1860’s; a red-and-white festival of vermouth, topped with a cherry and a splash of gin. Another account places its birth in Martinez, California, where an olive placed in a miner’s drink lays its claim. The modern gin martini came very close to appearing in 1896 with a Plymouth Gin, Noilly Prat, and orange bitters combination called the “Marquete”, but the name “Martini” itself wasn’t mentioned until the 1888 “New and Improved Illustrated Bartending Manual”. It wasn’t until 1911 did the name and the drink finally meet – at New York’s Knickerbocker Hotel.

The Martini has had to endure everything that a fickle society could throw at it. It survived the turbulent birth of the original cocktail craze. It was raised on high by the Algonquin Round Table and survived through the depression of the liver; prohibition. It was toasted by FDR, enjoyed by Dean Martin, and hailed as the King of Cocktails in the 1960’s and derided as an “old man’s drink” by the 70’s. By the mid 90’s, swung back into the spotlight, along with brief the hipster fascination with swing music, and it lives on today, nearly (or over) a century after its birth. The martini is a cocktail that has certainly earned its stripes.

…and despite its honored and venerable history, the martini suffers from a lack of respect.

Today’s drinker has little to no idea what a martini really is. Even worse, the name itself is being co-opted to label a horde of sweet, cloying monstrosities. “Apple Martinis”, “Espresso Martinis”, and the dreaded (ugh) “Choco-tini” litter the drinker’s landscape with potholes of unsophisticated dreck. These soulless creatures have deigned to lay claim to a part of the martini legacy and I, for one, will not stand for it.

Does an “Apple Martini” contain any gin? No? THEN IT IS NOT A MARTINI.

Do you enjoy the subtle herbal twang of vermouth while drinking your “Espresso Martini”? No vermouth, you say? NOT A MARTINI, SAYS I.

When you sip a “Choco-tini”, do you save the olive for last? No olive? NOT A MARTINI.

There was time when innovative bartenders furrowed their brows in contemplation, and concocted some of the most memorable drinks of all time. The cosmopolitan and lemon drop are just a few popular creations strained into cocktail glasses and enjoyed by the millions…but they are not a “Cran-tini” or a “Lemon-tini”.

Lazy bartenders the world over have been getting away with this convention for far too long. Gone are the days when a combination as quirky as a salve of gin, absinthe, orange juice, and grenadine would receive an equally quirky name like “Monkey Gland”, These days, it would probably be called an “Absinthe-gin-tini” or some such nonsense. If you’re going to create a drink of chocolate liqueur and vodka, fine. Just use a synapse or two and try to be a little original when you christen your drink with a name. Don’t be lazy and “hyphen-tini” it. Your drink is not a martini. It’s not close. A proper martini is simple: gin, vermouth, and olive. Put vermouth in the shaker, make it cold, and stir, if possible. Strain into a proper cocktail glass. Place olive. No chocolate, no “pucker”…no, not even rye whiskey.

…and another thing: a cocktail glass does NOT a martini make. Of all things, the damned GLASS is the main source of all of the confusion. That long-stemmed, conical glass you’re sipping from…it’s not a “martini glass”...it is a “cocktail glass”. Manhattans use this glass, as do gibsons. Your sugary swamps are welcome to use this glass as well, but it is in no way associated with the martini. It’s a simple glass, not drinking’s equivalent of knighthood.

With that said, I invite you to call your syrupy mess an “Apple Cocktail”, “Espressoenema” or a “Chocogeddon”. Sit back and enjoy your palette-coating goop and be secure that you, yes YOU had a hand in having your drink claim its own name and its heritage.

…and get off my gin and vermouth-stained lawn, whippersnapper!

A Brief Statemet

So what is it that I like about hooch?

Like many imbibers, I do enjoy the fuzzy warmness that comes from a good dram of scotch or twelve, half a bottle of syrah, or one drum of Ayinger. To be tipsy is liberating. The lower monkey brain gets a hand at the wheel and caution gets thrown to the wind. If a tipple of booze is a possibility for you, then chances are, this effect is among the reasons why you enjoy it.

I take a slightly different position.

While I like a good tipsy evening, when I drink at home, it's serious. It's equal parts research and divine inspiration. It's connecting to a craft, going back hundreds and ultimately thousands of years. It's not just that I'm drinking a scotch that's old enough to drive a car, it's marriage of complex flavors and aromas that have taken years to develop before it gets to me. It's the flavor of the briny salt air, the earthen smokiness of the peat kiln, and the subtle sweetness of the barley that spark the imagination and connects me to an old and diverse craft. For me, drinking is an introspective affair. It's a moment where time slows, for just a moment, and that moment is all mine...and it's a moment that I'd like to share through this blog.

Responsibly, of course...

So, if you're interested in the thoughts of a gin-soaked malcontent, welcome, and come by often.

…and Salut!